Once upon a time working for an airline company would be considered one of the most desirable jobs in the world. Pilots were gods. Flight attendants were top models, queens of courtesy and fashion. I'm sure the new tv show Pan Am, set in the 1960's, has reawakened some of that sizzling impression.
Well, reality, my dearest imaginary friends, is - as it usually tends to be - quite disappointing.
It all started one rainy and dreary day - can't really assure you that these atmospheric conditions are factual, but taking into consideration Irish weather, I have an overwhelming probability of being accurate - sometime in 1991, when some freckly chaps at the pub, over some watery and distasteful Guinness pints, decided they had had enough of running at a loss with their two aircraft airline company. In enters the infamous Michael O'Leary, the hero of this tale - or more likely, our typical anti-hero, who I personally consider a genius mind, but alas - just returned from a visit to the Southwest Airlines and ready to change the scenery of European airlines forever. ' Ya culchies did it all arseways. Ya'll banjaxed. Shut your gobs and listen' and he proceeded to explain that it was time to stop pampering useless gits and start taking them from A to B with as much stress as possible - we all have to admit that being stressed is quite fashionable nowadays. Who needs pillows anyway, when the seats are so close together and upright, you'd knock your head on the front seat if you had one?
By no means I intend to claim this infamous Irish company started the world wide "no frills" campaign. But it sure as hell became the most successful one in Europe. 300 Boeing 737-800 aircrafts over 1100 destinations. I go as far as to admit that it did more for the European Union than any politics or laws. People can now work in A and spend weekends with the wife and kids at B. Or you can go for a day shopping spree in Madrid or Barcelona at an affordable whim. A ticket, a bag, a meal on board and the honour of being the first to board are all together still cheaper than flying any other old fashionable company, but most of all, are OPTIONAL.
But I deviate, as usual, from the real purpose of this post. With all this saving up, what happened to the steamy desirable pilots and flight attendants? Well, frolicking around became a little bit more difficult for these clichès couples, considering there are no more overnight stays anywhere. But unfortunately, it is not over. There are still ways of hiding these illicit affairs from their respective spouses.
Flight attendants - now known as Cabin Crew - are not chosen by their perfect beauty, delicate manners and control of foreign languages. They are chosen by availability and the will to work under duress - minding you are still not too large to fit the narrow cabin without bumping into too many passengers or causing moderate to extreme turbulence. It's not by chance most are recruited in Eastern European countries or Southern - and bankrupt - countries, where ladies, gay men and a handful of others are more willing to work in any conditions. Regardless.
And as for the pilots - oh those wonderful ex-gods! -, they became - for the most part - prepubescent mercenary boys, not working for the wonders of flying, but for the pretty awesome salary that allows them to wallow in booze, expensive Playboy mansions and meaningless unprotected sex with - mostly - gold diggers. Well, at least this goes on for a couple of years, when they grow bored of sucking the blood of totally suspecting victims and return to their eager and blind girlfriends, get married, become captains and keep boozing, while complaining about everything and something more.
If I was capable of guilt, which as an imaginary being, I am obviously not, I would add there are actually a bunch of good people in this industry. It is true that all is faster, more intense and more than slightly insane in the aviation world. Temptation is always present. But there are so many of them and some are truly blessed and untouched by the deviousness of excess. And to those I would like to say, I am glad to have met you, all the best and please remain far away.
There is so much I could say... but I suppose I've tired myself as it is. Time to leave you all to your daily lives. Command over to you. Schuss!
It all started one rainy and dreary day - can't really assure you that these atmospheric conditions are factual, but taking into consideration Irish weather, I have an overwhelming probability of being accurate - sometime in 1991, when some freckly chaps at the pub, over some watery and distasteful Guinness pints, decided they had had enough of running at a loss with their two aircraft airline company. In enters the infamous Michael O'Leary, the hero of this tale - or more likely, our typical anti-hero, who I personally consider a genius mind, but alas - just returned from a visit to the Southwest Airlines and ready to change the scenery of European airlines forever. ' Ya culchies did it all arseways. Ya'll banjaxed. Shut your gobs and listen' and he proceeded to explain that it was time to stop pampering useless gits and start taking them from A to B with as much stress as possible - we all have to admit that being stressed is quite fashionable nowadays. Who needs pillows anyway, when the seats are so close together and upright, you'd knock your head on the front seat if you had one?
By no means I intend to claim this infamous Irish company started the world wide "no frills" campaign. But it sure as hell became the most successful one in Europe. 300 Boeing 737-800 aircrafts over 1100 destinations. I go as far as to admit that it did more for the European Union than any politics or laws. People can now work in A and spend weekends with the wife and kids at B. Or you can go for a day shopping spree in Madrid or Barcelona at an affordable whim. A ticket, a bag, a meal on board and the honour of being the first to board are all together still cheaper than flying any other old fashionable company, but most of all, are OPTIONAL.
But I deviate, as usual, from the real purpose of this post. With all this saving up, what happened to the steamy desirable pilots and flight attendants? Well, frolicking around became a little bit more difficult for these clichès couples, considering there are no more overnight stays anywhere. But unfortunately, it is not over. There are still ways of hiding these illicit affairs from their respective spouses.
Flight attendants - now known as Cabin Crew - are not chosen by their perfect beauty, delicate manners and control of foreign languages. They are chosen by availability and the will to work under duress - minding you are still not too large to fit the narrow cabin without bumping into too many passengers or causing moderate to extreme turbulence. It's not by chance most are recruited in Eastern European countries or Southern - and bankrupt - countries, where ladies, gay men and a handful of others are more willing to work in any conditions. Regardless.
And as for the pilots - oh those wonderful ex-gods! -, they became - for the most part - prepubescent mercenary boys, not working for the wonders of flying, but for the pretty awesome salary that allows them to wallow in booze, expensive Playboy mansions and meaningless unprotected sex with - mostly - gold diggers. Well, at least this goes on for a couple of years, when they grow bored of sucking the blood of totally suspecting victims and return to their eager and blind girlfriends, get married, become captains and keep boozing, while complaining about everything and something more.
If I was capable of guilt, which as an imaginary being, I am obviously not, I would add there are actually a bunch of good people in this industry. It is true that all is faster, more intense and more than slightly insane in the aviation world. Temptation is always present. But there are so many of them and some are truly blessed and untouched by the deviousness of excess. And to those I would like to say, I am glad to have met you, all the best and please remain far away.
There is so much I could say... but I suppose I've tired myself as it is. Time to leave you all to your daily lives. Command over to you. Schuss!
This a comeback or a goodbye...?
ReplyDeletePs: Strangely... You and Ricci... ;)
I am still here.
ReplyDeletePs: We are both short...?